Ye Olde News Paper

Why I heart the NY Post:

The Blog of Revelation

Whilst out in my yard giving my slave the thrashing of a lifetime for having made eye contact with my dog during Sunday's outing and beef barbq, did come to me a small epiphany.

For many months I have neglected this blog leaving this anonymous internet rambling to the loathsome fatties and outspoken homosexuals of your 21st century America. Now, in this modern day and age as we open the White House doors to a negro president, it occurs to me that I have become the minority more so than both the obese and the queer. So, it shall be my duty to speak to all about that which I have learned in my many many years on this earth and living my life in these United States.

For now, I leave you with my latest concoction...a drink of average taste but of quite exquisite humor that I call the Kaley Anthony, named such in honor of the young scamp recently found in the woods near her home..the obvious victim of a nasty spill from a tree which rendered her suffocated, bound, and lazily left sleeping against said tree.

The recipe for this fine drink is as follows:

The Kaley Anthony
1 part shirley temple (grenadine and sprite/7up)
1 part glass wrapped in duct tape
1 part little cute heart sticker on said duct tape

Drink and be merry my friends! More to come and namaste!

In other news...

President elect Barack Obama was seriously injured yesterday when he tried to "put on the Air Force One like a basketball shoe."

If you don't believe me, taste for yourself.

Assholes taste just like the eraser on a #2 pencil.

Yeah, yeah...I've heard folks say that it tastes like pennies but that's fuckin bullshit. I could tell them apart in a blind lick test ANY DAY OF THE FUCKING WEEK.

Tata for now.

Pussies and Infants

Pussies and infants are so similar in that you have to smack them around all the time and you get to put your fingers in them.

And if they don't get wet on their own, you spit on them.

Wet Hair

Women who leave their house with wet hair are disgusting. I saw one at the 7-11 buying lotto tickets yesterday (go figure) and it made me realize a few things that wet hair says about a woman's character.

1. Poor Effort: You know what a young fella thinks when he sees that?? "Gosh, if she goes out of the house with her hair looking like that, imagine how gross her pussy must look." Ladies, take the time to clean yourself up before you leave the house...and that includes blowdrying your hair and running a fucking comb thru it too.

2. Poverty: Watch any movie about white trash women and guaranteed, you will see at least one woman who has perpetually wet hair. Do you want to look poor?

3. Sweat: It looks like they're sweating! Girls are only supposed to sweat when they're getting banged or working out. And they should shower immediately after a workout before leaving the gym. If she cannot shower at the gym, I recommend this outfit to prevent any embarrassing encounters with ever judging (and rightfully so) men.

The funniest kind of therapy.

Obviously is chemotherapy.

But seriously folks:

What is the worst thing about a toddler on chemo?

You can't pull on his hair when you fuck him from behind.

Zoinks!!